This is literally eating me up and I want to clear things up once and for all so I’m not sitting here overthinking things or worrying about something when it might not actually be anything.
I’ve been talking to this girl named Nikki for over half a year through Facebook, text messaging, Skype and Kik. Things were going great between us, and while we haven’t met in person yet, we’ve been planning on meeting each other eventually.
We’re not dating, but it hurts her to see me doing stuff with other girls, or talk about other girls in general. She seems to be very self-conscious and she hates her body with a passion. Anyway, I was partying one night and this girl gave me a hickey without my consent. I told Nikki about it because I want to be honest and open with her and she got pissed off about it. It’s like she’s acting like we’re in a relationship but we’re not actually in a relationship… I haven’t met a girl like this before, so I’m not sure if this is common with girls who like certain guys. I’m guessing it’s because she wants me all to herself, which is understandable.
The thing is, Nikki hasn’t actually told me that she likes me, but she said that she sees me as more than a friend, calls me sweet, says I’m amazing, says she can’t wait to meet me, etc. I’ve told her that I like her and I often tell her how beautiful she is.
Anyway, we know each other fairly well, and we’ve talked a lot. I’ve found out that she suffers from depression and has an eating disorder, but I assured her that I don’t think any differently of her, and she’s still just as amazing as she ever was.
I moved out of province for the summer, but we continued to talk. I hurt her several times unintentionally. The first time was when I sent her a pic on Snapchat of a porno mag on my bed with a bunch of balled up toilet paper. I sent it as a joke (yeah, I realize how messed up that was) and she got really upset. The next time I hurt her was when my friend was talking with her. They went on Skype and she said he was cute, and I asked her what was up with that. I overreacted and thought that she wanted him instead of me. She got pissed off about that.
The most recent time I hurt her was when I asked why she wasn’t replying to me. She said she was busy, yet to me it seemed like she wasn’t too busy to post photos on Facebook, like this other guy’s wall post talking about having lunch with her and liking all of his comments, but she couldn’t reply to me. So I asked if she was too busy talking to him, and she got pissed off about that too.
I’m honestly jealous that these guys have met her in person before I did, but I can’t help but to think that I’ve hurt her too much so now she’s starting to distance herself from me, even though she says otherwise. She says she’s busy or she’s driving around, but she always seems to have time to Skype and chat with all of her other friends.
Basically it seems like she’s starting to push me away and talk to this other guy, because I hurt her too much. We don’t talk to each other as much as we used to, and I find that I’m starting to do most of the talking in our conversations. She still tells me that I’m amazing and sweet and she sees a future with me, but I’m getting mixed signals and I don’t know what’s actually going on.
I told her that I admire her way more than I let off, because of the fact that I don’t want to come off as being clingy or over-obsessed. She didn’t even reply. She replied to my previous text not even a minute ago, but as soon as I sent that, she didn’t reply to me all day.
What do you think is going on? I really want to be with her, and dare I say it, I think I’m starting to fall in love with her. It just hurts me so much to think about the fact that I might have lost her.
Open Question: What should I do about this situation?
We’ve been together for almost a year. Am I overthinking this? Why do I immediately start doubting if he loves me or not?
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