He is a colleague. I never really gave him much thought at work. However, we happened to be invited to the same boat party organized by some common friends and that's when we got to know each other. And I guess both of us were interested. I knew he would be helping out during an art festival that weekend so I asked whether I could join him one of the evenings and he seemed to be quite happy about the invitation. I asked him for his number in case smth happened last minute and he reassured me nothing would. I had the impression that this was going to be our first date so I was quite disappointed when I realised that a colleague of ours decided to tag along with him. She didn't stay for long and I opted to stay with the guy. He repeated severa l times that he will soon need to go home to change and chill a bit but I said I enjoyed his company and I would like to hang out for a bit more. We met up with some friends of mine and he enjoyed their company so much that he conjured weed out of thin air and shared it with the rest of. He then received a phone call and said he has to continue helping out with festival and he said I could stay with my friends. But me, being the stubborn person I am, I insisted to go with him. Later when I asked whether he did not enjoy my company he said that he did not want me to leave my friends when he had so little time to give me because he was busy helping out. We got chatting and I felt the need to be brutally honest to him about myself, so I started opening up. Later on he bought me a drink and asked me if I wanted to get a bottle of wine and some take-away dinner with him and join him at his place. There we got talking, really talking. We spoke about our past, fears, dreams, ambiti ons. I felt we connected. Amongst others I found out I was the first person he invited to his new apartment, in which he moved after a nasty break up with his instable ex. When it got late, I said it was time for me to go home. He called me a cab. I did not have any cash left on me, so he paid and said dinner was on me next time.
So, I thought to myself – second date?? Later that week we went out for drinks. I found out that he doesn't only smoke weed but also deals enough to support his habit. He told me I am one of the few people in his life who know about this and asked me to keep the secret. He also told me that this common friend of ours told him I was a perfect fit for him. After the drinks he invited me back to his place. We started watching a movie, I cuddled, he massaged my feet. At one point that night he kissed me on his terrace. It wasn't the best kiss I had but I was nonetheless thrilled. On the other hand, his face did not seem to betray any emotion. He seemed to be holding back. He then asked me if I wanted to sleep over since he lives so near to work. I accepted. I showered and then joined him in bed. He did not try to have sex with me. I am not sure about the reason. Was it maybe because I had earlier made it clear that I do not sleep around? Recently, I have found out that abou t a month earlier he slept over at a colleague's place and he did not try anything with her either. We kissed a bit that night but that is about it. The following morning I asked where we stood and why he was holding back. I was not referring to the sex or the lack of it but rather to him. It felt like he was keeping a distance from me. He told me not to think too much, that he just came out of a relationship and wanted to take things slowly. He enjoyed the time with me, the fact that I was in his apartment meant smth and that maybe I was what he was missing. After that morning he texted once or twice in the following week or so. I invited him out a few times but he refused politely. In the meantime, I found out that he was hanging with another girl and her group.
I emailed him asking for an explanation. I wanted to know whether what happened between was a lie, a mistake, whether I was simply a distraction. Why did he share private things with me and then disappear? Why lead me on? I asked him to be honest with me so if necessary I could hate him a bit and move on. He told me that he disagreed that it was a lie and a mistake, that I wanted a relationship right now, he couldn’t do that so soon. I told he I was fine with that but would like to hang out with him from time to time. No commitments, no expectations. He found that weird after I made my feelings for him clear at which point I told him to remain colleagues. He did not reply to that email. He did not wish me happy birthday a few weeks after. Since then we had a skype chat at work which I enjoyed because again we got to share our thoughts about stuff that had happened to us since.
I tried forgetting him. I went to Barcelona for a short holiday and went out with another guy to distract myself but it was useless. Today, I bumped into him at work and I just said hi and kept on walking.
I would like to have your opinions.
Open Question: What should I make out of this guy's behavior?
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